Scar

It hasn't even been a month
Since I have left
And there you go
In his arms once again

The greatest tragedy is
That... that I'm not angry
Its that I don't feel
The way I thought I would

I don't feel the feelings
I thought I should
I don't feel the jealousy
I thought I had a wound

I guess its all healed now
I guess I can finally let go
I guess my heart's not yours anymore
I guess you have left only a scar

Promises

You told me
That you loved me
I believed your lies
I believed those false hopes
For years I trusted you

No more
No more will I put my trust in you
No more will I respect you
No more will I support you
You and your false promises

You told promises cannot be broken
I told you promises were meant to be broken
Yet, I had been loyal all these years
When you have not

Now I tell you
Begone from my heart
and let another begin anew

Freedom

Time has passed
Ever since I saw you
5 long years ago
Time has passed and
I'm as tired as can be

Tired of excuses
Tired of being inadequate
Tired of this 3000 miles betweeen us
Tired of being wrond all the while
Tired of the rest of them
Tired of fighting and arguing
Tired of having to repeatedly
convince you of my feelings
for you and you alone

And now
5 years later
I'm finally about to give up
My white flag's tossed up
My ship's sunk
My spirit crushed
My love lost
My heart free once again

Battle's Lost

You have worn me out
I'm tired and exhausted
My head's overworked
My heart overlooked

now,
I've been beat
I have to admit
when the battle's lost

Yet,
My heart is carefree
My brain is relieved
My fingers are typing as if
it were finally unleashed
by the boundaries of the heart

Coz this is
the first time
I have gotten my mind
Off the heartaches and pains
And reminisced the past
Without the sorrows of the present

Broken Dreams

I have kept this hope
This almost-false dream
Throughout the years
My love for you
Has been untainted

Time has passed
My heart is weary
My love wavered
My mind exhausted
Because of these endless
ups and downs

Now as I lay down
turning my back on
my utmost emotions
leaving whats left of me
to be tortured by you
and your indecisions

As I curl up on my bed
Hoping to find warmth
In whats left of me
Reaching for the pieces
of these broken dreams
Looking for whats left
of my own blue sky

Complicated

I've asked you many times
Time and time again
Why him and not me
What can he offer
Which I can't
What does he have to give you
Which I lack
What good can come of him
Which I have failed to give

I now realize
That its not him you want
Its just me you dont
Coz I have failed you
I have made mistakes
One too many maybe

Year after year
I know you want to
you want to say its over
but you cant
coz it may be over
but we both know
that it wont just end there
Coz my love for you
is just too complicated

My Answer

You once asked
why I laugh with such passion
to such senselessness
well, now I'll let you know

I laugh because of
my great sense of humour
my unseen feelings
my unwanted emotions

I laugh because
You made me
I want to
I'm forced to

I laugh because
Logic tells me to
Love compels me to
Because hidden emotions
simply rely on laughter

I laugh because I lie
I lie about not being jealous
About you having 6 others
About me being fine
with them calling you

I laugh because
Because I'm a fake
In my mind
only for your sake

True

Everytime I asked
if your love was true
you simply said
that maybe I do

Everytime I told you
that I loved you
you smiled
out of pity or glee
you've never said

Maybe even you're unsure
Maybe you have other men
Maybe my love is replied
In its own subtle way

Yet,
Nothing ever wavered you
You could only be speechless
When I really wanted to know
If you were being true

Logic/Love

Logic tells me to be unsure
People tell me to let go
Few tell me that its over
The rest tell me its close

Yet,
My heart tells me otherwise
Love tells me to hang on
Love tells me to hold on
And so it is

Everytime I mention her,
out of excitement
or dissapointment,
She's speechless

Yet, the very moment
a lover is mentioned
or a poem written
whether it be for me
or some other man

My heart beats
As though time's too short
Too short to fullfill my love
My logically wavering love
My senseless want
My love for her

The Present

Why couldn't she see
The love I had to offer
The future we could have had
The life awaiting her
why couldnt she see
what i could see

Why couldn't she feel
the kiss i had given her
the feelings i had for her
the warmth of my bed
why couldnt she feel
what i could feel

The past I had hoped for
just the two of us
running through fields
climbing on tree houses
carving our names onto trees
lasting throughout the years
without complications

The future I had dreamed of
more than just the two of us
a family of five
a boy, a girl and a dog named Gus
walking them through their first steps
planning their very last
without the slightest doubt

The present now...
crushed and incomplete
a couple of singles
rushing through life
hoping to find another
another one of us who could satisfy us
only because of this 3000 miles between us

Memories

The pains she had caused
The tears she had forced
The hearts she had crushed
The love she had lost

All no more than memories
Memories better left for the dead
better left for the past
better left behind

Yet, memories which refuse to let go
Virgin memories of suffering
Scarring memories
Printed memories

Its almost gothic
knowing that these memories
these very heartaches
have only got me urging for more

despite the pains and tears
I remain faithful to her
Till i find another excuse
just to be with her

Lovely Doves

I wonder if she ever felt
the same feelings which i had
the feelings of love and doubt
the feelings of undoubted love
these feelings of hope

I wonder if she ever had
what it took to love
love only that which could love
love only those who did love
the love which survives

I wonder if she ever knew
what life could be
with just one other
what life could be
without fake emotions

If only she could
understand what it means
to be...to see... to feel... to taste
love as it is
without ties and lies
as though it were
mere lovely doves

There She Stood

when i was young.. I had been told that you can have whatever you want...
i believed them...
i believed in sincere want
till that very day when want had become cant

There she stood... innocent yet guilty
not at fault yet filled with anxiety
because my want was not hers
and her want was in another

There she stood.. flattered yet dissapointed
soaring further and further
everytime a confession was made
everytime i thought of her

there she stood.. 3000 miles away
wanting something i couldn't give her
wanting someone i couldnt be
wanting him more than me

Yet, i waited
Coz i wanted
her to be part of me
and me to be part of her

so i continued to believe
in these lies
in these false hopes
there she stood
innocent yet guilty

Death of the Heartbreaker

This is a newly created blog dedicated to my once loving heartbreaker. Well, I guess writing about it is way more interesting than it actually was... so here goes... ENJOY Ladies & Gents!!
PS. The following are in no way rhymes, just rants...hope you bare with my unrhythmic rants(if thats even a word)